What the Quran says about parents, with the commentaries

The phrase "and to parents, good treatment" occurs four times in the Quran, and each time it comes straight after the command to worship God alone. This article reads the main verses on parents and, at each one, gives the Sunni reading of al-Tafsir al-Muyassar first, then the Shia readings of al-Safi (al-Fayd al-Kashani) and al-Mizan (al-Tabataba'i).

Quotations from the three commentaries are my renderings of the Arabic.

"Say not to them uff"

And your Lord has decreed that you not worship except Him, and to parents, good treatment. Whether one or both of them reach old age [while] with you, say not to them [so much as], "uff," and do not repel them but speak to them a noble word.

And lower to them the wing of humility out of mercy and say, "My Lord, have mercy upon them as they brought me up [when I was] small."

(Al-Isra 17:23, Al-Isra 17:24)

Al-Muyassar: your Lord has commanded and made binding that He alone be worshipped, and commanded good treatment of father and mother, above all in old age: do not be weary of anything you see from either of them, do not let them hear a bad word — not even "uff", the lowest grade of bad speech — let no ugly act come from you towards them, but be gentle with them and always speak to them softly and kindly. Be humble and lowly towards your mother and father out of mercy for them, and ask your Lord to have mercy on them, living and dead, as they bore patiently with raising you when you were a helpless child. Al-Safi: lower to them the wing of humility — your humble wing, or humility made a wing for emphasis — that is, be lowly and humble towards them, out of the depth of your mercy for them, since they now need the one who was once the neediest of God's creatures towards them; and pray that God have mercy on them with His lasting mercy, not content with your own passing mercy, in return for their mercy, upbringing and guidance when you were small; and relays from al-Sadiq: had God known anything lower than "uff" He would have forbidden it; it is the lowest form of undutifulness. Al-Mizan: old age is singled out because it is the hardest stage parents pass through, when they feel the need for their children's help and for them to do the tasks of life they can no longer manage; and: lowering the wing is a figure for the utmost humility and lowliness in word and deed, taken from the fledgling lowering its wing to coax its mother into feeding it.

Where they agree

All three agree that the two verses command humility towards parents. Al-Muyassar and al-Safi agree that "uff" is the lowest harm forbidden, and al-Mizan adds that old age is singled out as the hardest stage for parents.

Where they differ

They word "lower to them the wing of humility" differently: al-Muyassar makes it the child being lowly and humble towards them out of mercy; al-Safi says humility is made a wing for emphasis; al-Mizan makes it a figure for the utmost humility in word and deed, taken from the fledgling lowering its wing to coax its mother.

"Be grateful to Me and to your parents"

And We have enjoined upon man [care] for his parents. His mother carried him, [increasing her] in weakness upon weakness, and his weaning is in two years. Be grateful to Me and to your parents; to Me is the [final] destination.

(Luqman 31:14)

Al-Muyassar: We commanded man to be dutiful and good to his parents; his mother carried him in weakness upon weakness, and his carrying and weaning take two years; and We said to him: thank God, then thank your parents; to Me is the return, and I will reward each as he deserves. Al-Safi: weakness upon weakness — her weakness keeps growing; his weaning is at the end of two years, nursing him all that time; the two clauses are an aside that stresses the charge concerning her; be grateful to Me and to your parents; to Me is the destination, and I will reckon with you for your gratitude and ingratitude; and relays from al-Rida: we were commanded to thank Him and to thank parents; whoever does not thank his parents has not thanked God. Al-Mizan: it is placed here to show that gratitude to parents is obligatory as gratitude to God is — indeed it is part of thanking Him, since it goes back to His charge and command; thanking them is worship of Him, and worshipping Him is gratitude; and: some of what his mother bore in carrying and raising him is mentioned, to move him to thank them both, and the mother above all.

All three agree that the verse joins gratitude to parents with gratitude to God. Al-Safi and al-Mizan agree that mentioning what the mother bore stresses the charge concerning her; al-Safi's report says whoever does not thank his parents has not thanked God, and al-Mizan makes thanking them part of thanking God, since it carries out His charge.

"Accompany them in this world with appropriate kindness"

But if they endeavor to make you associate with Me that of which you have no knowledge, do not obey them but accompany them in [this] world with appropriate kindness and follow the way of those who turn back to Me [in repentance]. Then to Me will be your return, and I will inform you about what you used to do.

(Luqman 31:15)

Al-Muyassar: if your parents strive to make you associate with Me in worship what you have no knowledge of, or command you to a sin, do not obey them, for there is no obedience to a creature in disobeying the Creator; and keep company with them in this world with kindness in what involves no sin. Al-Safi: do not obey them in that; keep company with them in this world in a kindly way that the law approves and generosity calls for; and relays from al-Rida: dutifulness to parents is obligatory even if they associate others with God, and there is no obedience to them in disobeying the Creator, nor to anyone else, for there is no obedience to a creature in disobeying the Creator. Al-Mizan: that is, if they press you hard to make what you have no knowledge of a partner to Me, do not obey them and do not associate anything with Me; and: a person must keep company with them in worldly matters other than religion, which is God's way, with kindly companionship and familiar, unobjectionable dealings — caring for them gently and softly, without harshness, and bearing the hardship that comes to him from them, for this world is only a few passing days.

All three agree that parents are not to be obeyed if they command association with God, and that kindly companionship with them in this world remains even so. Al-Muyassar and al-Safi agree that there is no obedience to a creature in disobeying the Creator; al-Mizan explains kindly companionship as gentleness, softness and bearing hardship from them.

What the verses do not say

• They do not make dutifulness to parents depend on their faith; kindly companionship remains even if they press for association with God.
• They do not confine good treatment to one form; they forbid its lowest failing and command noble speech.
• They do not limit praying for them to their lifetime.

Counted on the mushaf

• "And to parents, good treatment": four times, Al-Baqarah 83, An-Nisa 36, Al-An'am 151 and Al-Isra 23.
• "And We have enjoined upon man [care] for his parents": three times, Al-'Ankabut 8, Luqman 14 and Al-Ahqaf 15.
• The word "uff": three times in the Quran, twice about parents — Al-Isra 23 and Al-Ahqaf 17.

Sources

• al-Tafsir al-Muyassar — King Fahd Complex for the Printing of the Holy Quran.
• Tafsir al-Safi — al-Fayd al-Kashani.
• al-Mizan fi Tafsir al-Quran — al-Sayyid Muhammad Husayn al-Tabataba'i.

Read:

• Verses about gratitude in the Quran, with the commentaries
• Verses of supplication in the Quran, with the commentaries
• Verses about patience in the Quran, with the commentaries